Forest for the Trees
by Annwyd
Summary: Sometimes, what one chooses to do for love can be the worst mistake possible. [KakaRin]
1. Fox: Loss

**Author's Note:** My first attempt at chaptered fanfiction. I'm not sure how satisfied I am with the first chapter--I don't really like the pacing--but there are two more still to come.

* * *

The day after the Fourth died, while the rest of the village was oscillating between shocked mourning and near-jubilatory relief at the defeat of the demon, Kakashi methodically put together a small collection of strong sake and downed it all in the course of about two hours.

He realized, in the moments between his keeling over on the floor and actually falling into unconsciousness, that he didn't really care if he ever woke up. Except--he still had someone to protect. And now he was the only one left to do that job.

Kakashi woke up in a room that smelled of pine needles and earth. He was lying on a pile of blankets, and ther was a cool damp cloth draped over his eyes. Footsteps heralded an approach, and the cloth was removed, but he did not open his eyes.

Rin knew he was awake anyway. "Don't move," she said. "Your head is going to hurt."

He opened his eyes and sat up. His head hurt. And that wasn't even the worst thing. "Rin," he said, willing his voice to remain calm, "my mask."

She just looked at him for a long moment. He resisted the urge to duck his head and hide his face from view. Finally, she held out the folded cloth mask. He was careful not to look too grateful as he took it and fastened it back on. "Are you all right?" he said into the uneasy silence that followed.

She smiled tentatively at him. "You're the one who passed out drunk last night. I had to drag you here."

Her smile made him feel a little more grounded, made the world around him a little more real. He looked off to the side. Sensei, he wanted to say. Instead, he said, "Where is here?" He seemed to be in some kind of shed; he could see trees standing tall through gaps in the boards of the wall.

She canted her head curiously to one side. "That's right," she said, "you've never been here, have you? We're in my yard." She hesitated. "I would have brought you to my room, but this was closer, and it's where I keep the supplies for my healing poultices." She reached out, slid her hand tentatively onto his bare shoulder. He was oddly aware that he was still wearing only the bare basics of his ANBU outfit. "Is your head still hurting? I can get you something for that."

He caught her hand and pushed it gently off his shoulder. "Not much." It did still hurt, but he resolutely ignored it as he straightened up and pulled his hitai-ate down over his left eye. "I'm fine. I need to talk to--whoever's in charge--"

"Sandaime-sama sent word that you're suspended from ANBU until further notice," she said quietly.

He stiffened. "Then I _definitely_ need to talk to him."

"He suspended me from active duty, too."

He stared at the floor of the shed. "How long?"

"Two weeks. It's not that long--"

"The village can't afford to lose an ANBU at a time like this," he said sharply. "We're already--"

"Kakashi," Rin said softly, "you wouldn't help anybody by getting yourself killed right now."

His left eye burned with tears where it was hidden. _Why should you cry, Obito,_ he thought. _You've got Sensei back now._ "I'm fine," he told her, and he walked out.

* * *

He got turned away from the Hokage's office before he even got there. Sandaime had told the young chuunin who was trying to organize the chaos outside not to let Kakashi in to challenge his decision. Kakashi tried staring at him for a while, but nothing came of it.

He went back to his apartment feeling tired and sore, the hangover still humming noisily at the back of his head. When he walked inside without looking, he nearly tripped over a small package on the floor.

Sitting down on his bed, he carefully unwrapped the package. It seemed to be composed more of wrapping than contents, but eventually he pulled off the last layer of plain brown paper and held the Fourth's hitai-ate in his hands. He turned it over a few times, wondering if maybe there was some message hidden there. Finally, he gave up looking and put the gift in his pack instead.

After a moment, he got up and walked back outside.

* * *

The Hayashino family grounds were on the very edges of the village, more a part of the forest than anything else. Kakashi realized, vaguely, that he knew surprisingly little about Rin's family, other than that they had a strong connection to the outdoors and had given Konoha some of its best trackers and more than a few hunter-nin. He knew her parents had come out of semi-retirement a few years back to rejoin the underpopulated ANBU, and eventually, they had not come back from a mission. He knew he'd looked away when that happened, not wanting to deal with someone else's grief any more than he did his own. What he didn't know was why he was going back there after leaving Rin earlier in the day.

There was an emptiness surrounding the small house, and he spared himself a moment to wonder why Rin had chosen to stay here. He'd been far too glad to leave his own childhood home when--it didn't matter now. He pushed the thought away and sat down against a tree.

Above him, a pair of hawks circled. He could make out a symbol bound about their heads--it looked like the stylized Konoha design. Summons of some sort, then.

Footsteps, very soft but still audible to his keen hearing, interrupted his reverie. He leaped to his feet, only to find that Rin was already only a few feet in front of him. He forgot, sometimes, how stealthy she could be.

"Hi," she said.

He lifted a hand in tentative greeting.

"I made dinner for you," she said.

He thought of brushing her off and walking away, but he knew that he couldn't do that. He thought of asking her how she had known he would come back, but he was a little afraid of what the answer might be.

He followed her into her house.

* * *

It had been a while since he'd eaten a meal with someone else. Sensei had occasionally made ramen for him, but the last time he'd done that had been months ago. Kakashi was a little surprised to find himself grateful for the company Rin provided. She was a good cook, too, but it didn't occur to him to say so until he was already home.

But home no longer felt like home. He sat on his bed, trying to make himself think the unthinkable. Sensei would never come hammer on the door to wake him up, then laugh at the dazed look on his face. Sensei would never show up out of the blue--just when Kakashi most needed company--and try to feed his latest attempt at ramen to him. Sensei would never know just when he'd allow himself to be hugged.

No more.

He couldn't sleep. He paced through his tiny apartment, and then through the village, but he found no peace anywhere. When he finally fell asleep on a bench, it was an exhausted, restless sleep, full of dreams he couldn't remember.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, he got used to sleeping like that. He had only vague and clashing memories of his dreams, but his memories of the day started to become like that as well, so after about a week, he began to have trouble telling dream from reality.

He did remember one thing, though. After two weeks, he reported back to ANBU, already behind the red and white dog mask when he got there. The captain of his squad looked at him uneasily, but said nothing.

He slept a little better that night, but not much, and his dreams compensated by getting more vivid. He woke up sure that his hands were soaked in blood, but it was just sweat.

For over a week, he survived like this, although he wasn't really living. Then, finally, the thread that bound him to functionality broke. He was out on a mission (he hardly knew what exactly it was, but he'd done a good job hiding this from the others), and he just about walked right into an enemy ninja.

She stared at him for a moment, not sure how she'd caught an ANBU member so off-guard, and then the blows rained down. He was in bloody tatters by the time he managed to force himself to fight back and kill her. Then he collapsed. He thought for a moment that he wouldn't mind not ever getting up again, but then he closed his eyes and, much to his surprise, saw Rin's smile in the darkness inside his head.

The return to Konoha came to him in brief, bright flashes as he opened his eyes and then shut them again. To his great irritation, the left one was weeping slightly.

He felt his body be handed over into soft hands, and he smelled a familiar scent of earth and not-quite-identifiable flowers, and then he finally blacked out.

* * *

That smell was the first thing he sensed when he woke up again, but this time the scent of flowers was stronger. His wounds still ached, but the pain was distant. He lay in that dark, sweet place for several minutes before slowly opening his right eye and taking in his surroundings.

This time, he was actually in Rin's house, as far as he could tell. He could see her out of the corner of his eye, setting up some flowers. They didn't look particularly special, but the smell was lovely.

When she turned her head, he could see her smile in profile. "Kakashi," she said. "You're awake." She was still smiling. "You're going to stay here until you can sleep well again."

He sat up instantly. "You can't do that. Konoha needs me--"

"Konoha needs you _alive_," she said firmly. "And so do I."

He looked at her oddly, and she looked away.

But as much as he hated to admit it, when he slept again, with the scent of strange flowers filling the room, his dreams were peaceful.

* * *

It was another two weeks before she let him move back to his own apartment, and he took his chance to escape as soon as he could. More and more, over the past two weeks, his dreams had been of her, and that troubled him in ways he did not care to investigate further. When he was on his own again, his dreams sank back into blood. At least that was familiar.

But still, he found himself returning to her yard. He avoided going inside with her, unless she made him dinner, but he sat out back and watched her train. He spoke on occasion, although rarely. Once, he asked why she was still training, with their sensei long gone.

She smiled. "There are still reasons for me to fight, and reasons for me to heal."

She was looking at him in a way that made him strangely uncomfortable. "You could ask for harder missions," he said.

She dropped her gaze from his face and said nothing. His curiosity still twitched at the back of his brain, but he did not push the subject.

It was not until several months after his first visit that he thought to ask her about the birds. He still saw them at times, always circling around the area high above.

She sat down next to him and was silent for a while. It wasn't a bad feeling. Eventually, though, she spoke up. "They were my father's summons. They haven't really had anything to do with me since he died."

Kakashi thought that this was probably the time when normal people would mutter an apology, but neither of them were normal. They'd seen too much death in their short lives for that. He merely bowed his head slightly. She leaned on him a little, and he tensed, preparing to shake her off--but he stopped himself. He wasn't sure why. "They haven't come to you instead?" he asked after he found his voice again.

"I have my own summons," she said. "Where my father's birds tracked and harried enemies from above, my dogs scent out their trail on the ground." She smiled again. "I like them better, anyway." She fell silent for a long moment. "But I don't mind the birds staying around. They remind me of my parents."

_Why are you telling me this?_ he thought, but he said nothing out loud.

She glanced at him. "You've never said anything to me about your parents," she said quietly.

If she had been anyone else, he would have walked away there and then. Instead he stared at the ground. She waited. After a while, he said, "My mother died when I was still young." Another long silence ensued, and she did not offer to fill it. "My father--" He hesitated, his words catching somewhere behind his mask. He did not know what to say. Finally, Obito's words swam up through his memory. "My father was a hero," he said.

"Did you love them?" she asked suddenly.

He looked away.

"I'm sorry," she said after a moment. "I shouldn't have asked you that."

"It's all right," he said, but he did not answer her question. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but words failed her. They sat there in silence, barely touching, until the sky grew dark.

* * *

"You know--"

It was an afternoon like any other, Kakashi quietly watching Rin as she trained for some goal known only to herself. This time, though, Rin had something to tell him.

"You know," she said, "I could teach you something..."

He looked up, startled. "I'm not sure you should do that," he said carefully.

"Why not?"

His answers all dried up on his tongue. He was still eager to learn, eager to put more power and potential in his hands, but he wasn't entirely sure of the reason anymore. Lately, when he experimented with new jutsu he'd stripped off enemies the way a looter would strip a corpse, he'd found himself thinking of Rin. His entire reason for continuing to learn was to be able to better protect her. He knew that. But there was something else driving him on, and he did not stop to think about it, because when he did, it frightened him a little.

"You don't have a summon, do you?" Rin asked.

He shook his head, unable to protest her idea any longer.

She crouched beside him and started removing scrolls from her pack. "Do you want the birds or the dogs?"

He tilted his head back. The birds were up there, slowly circling the empty house. They seemed cool and distant, and for a moment he found himself admiring that with a certain wistfulness. It reminded him of something...

...of someone. Of himself, before Obito's death.

"The dogs," he said, and he smiled at Rin.

She blinked in surprise, and then she actually grinned. He'd never seen her really grin before. All he'd seen was her sweet smile. She looked even more beautiful this way.

He pushed the thought away and focused instead on her hands as they unrolled one of the scrolls. That was easier.

She straightened up. "Give me your hand."

He hesitated. He knew he could do this part himself. But he held out his hand anyway. Her hand was soft when she took his in it--calloused from the work of a ninja, but still gentle.

She took out a kunai and lifted it to his hand. She paused a moment, looking up to meet his one-eyed gaze, and smiled. He kept his own expression very serious.

There was the tiniest flash of pain, and then a bit of blood welled up in his hand. He bent down, still feeling her eyes on him, and carefully sketched out the characters of his name on the scroll. Then he sat back, closing his hand into a fist around the blood.

She smiled. "Let's go inside. I'm going to make tea, and bandage your hand."

* * *

He sat in the warmth of her kitchen, slowly turning the cup of tea around in his hands, feeling its heat through the light bandages on his right hand. He waited until her back was turned as she rearranged a vase of flowers, and then he pulled down his mask and raised the tea to his mouth.

He was half-finished with it when she sat down next to him. The suddenness of her presence made him start, and a little of the tea spilled onto the table. "I forget how quiet you can be," he murmured, not sure why he was saying this now. It seemed a strange effort to speak, and his head was heavy. He pushed the sudden surge of fatigue away and finished the last of the tea, then turned and pulled his mask back up.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

He gave her an odd look, or tried to. He found he had trouble focusing on her.

"It's just that I put sedative in the tea," she said.

He would have sworn, but he found that the muscles of his mouth and tongue were no longer cooperating. Rin caught him as he slid to the floor. "Muscle relaxants, too," she added.

Kakashi remembered her gently pushing up his hitai-ate to press her lips to his forehead. Then she pulled it back down, sealing the kiss there where she had left it, and darkness cut him off from her. 


	2. Dog: Hunt

**Author's Note:** I was originally going to keep this to a nice symbolic three chapters, but it looks like it wants to be four or five.

* * *

It was deep into darkness when he woke up. He thought, rather distantly, that she'd used just the right dosages of everything. He was in no pain, and while he hadn't thrashed at all in his sleep, he found he had no trouble moving now.

Kakashi slowly stood up and rubbed absently at his eyes. He had an idea that he should be very upset about something, but he wasn't sure quite what--

The scent of strange flowers hit him, and then so did realization. He stumbled and nearly fell. "Rin!"

He tore through the house, knocking things over in his haste. It was empty, and the silence made his ears ring. Finally, he stumbled back into the front hall and slumped against the door, struggling not to cry. Both his eyes were tearing up for some reason. "Rin," he said again, more softly this time.

Then he pulled his mask back up and his hitai-ate back down and stepped outside. There was a note on the door in Rin's handwriting, and he felt something clench inside him at the sight of it. He didn't want to read it, but he had to.

_Kakashi,_  
_There's something I have to do. I know you're going to want to follow me, which is why I made it as hard for you as possible. I don't want you doing anything stupid._  
_I should be back soon. If I'm not--_  
_Anyway, I love you._

Kakashi swallowed hard. The note felt like an accusation. He tore it off the door and crumpled it up, but he couldn't bring himself to tear it up. Instead, he tucked it away and looked up at the birds circling in the sky, his gaze blank and numb. _Why don't you do something?_ he wanted to yell, but he knew it would be no use. The birds didn't follow her; they merely spun in endless spirals around this empty house, not knowing that they were guarding nothing.

He blinked away tears again and launched himself through the forest at a furious speed. He wasn't sure where he was going. He only knew he had to check every possible place for Rin--although he didn't really think she'd be in the village, either.

Branches and thorns scraped at his hands. Rin hadn't been wearing any gloves when he went under, he remembered. Was she scratching up her palms like this, too? She'd be able to heal her own wounds, though, wouldn't she? He wasn't sure, and he was very afraid.

By the time Kakashi stumbled into Konoha proper, even though it wasn't very far away, he was breathing heavily and trembling all over. He couldn't stop questions from buzzing horribly in his head. Where had she gone? _Why_ had she gone? Would she come back?

_Of course she'd come back, she had to, she_ had _to, if she didn't he'd--_

He didn't know what he'd do if she didn't come back. His legs gave out, and he sank to his knees. He pulled up his hitai-ate and rubbed fiercely at both eyes.

Someone approached him; their shadow fell across him. He ignored them, waiting for them to go away. Instead, they said, "Kakashi-san?"

He lifted his head to regard the speaker sharply. The young chuunin recoiled, taking a step back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you--startle you--anything like that--"

Kakashi stared for a moment, not sure what he'd done to provoke this reaction. Then he slowly stood and, after a moment, remembered to pull his forehead protector back down. "What is it?"

The chuunin steadied herself, but she was still regarding him warily. "Hokage-sama wants to see you in two hours. It's about an ANBU mission."

"He can find someone else for this mission," Kakashi said, inwardly marveling at how flimsy and pointless such things as rules seemed to be, when compared to the fact that Rin was in danger.

The young woman paused. "Uh--he says it might have something to do with the healer jounin Hayashino Rin."

For a moment, there was silence. Then Kakashi said, "I'll be there." He turned and headed for his empty apartment.

* * *

He hadn't realized how accustomed he'd become to being in Rin's presence lately--not until he sat down on the bed in his tiny apartment and tried not to think of how empty the room around him felt. He'd lived in this place for over ten years; it shouldn't suddenly feel wrong now.

He undressed without thinking about it and put on the sparser clothes of the ANBU. Then he found himself sinking back down onto the bed, holding his ANBU mask in one hand and his hitai-ate in the other. It seemed oddly inappropriate that the mask was a dog face, of all things. He thought maybe it should be a bird instead.

For a moment, he absently weighed the two items in his hands--the mask in his left, the hitai-ate in his right. Then he put the latter down and slumped back against the wall. His muscles ached from his haphazard run through the forest; it hadn't been very long, but he hadn't been paying attention to anything at the time, so he suspected he might have sprained something. He hoped not; it wouldn't do to go into a mission injured.

But he shouldn't hurt this much from something so minor. Was it a side effect of whatever drugs Rin had used to sedate him? He doubted it. She was more careful than that.

Was it even really a physical ache?

Kakashi blinked and realized that he'd dozed off. The mad rush back to Konoha must have worn him out more than he'd realized. How long had he been out? Hadn't he had an appointment to make?

He twisted around to stare at the clock on his desk. 11:17, it said, but that was no help. He hadn't bothered to check it when he first came in. Without a point of reference, it was useless.

His frustration bubbled up before he could stop it, and he slammed his gloved palm sharply into the clock. Glass shattered and the face itself caved inwards. The sense of satisfaction this brought him was hollow; it just didn't matter anymore.

He stared at the broken clock for a moment longer, knowing that he was probably late to meet the Hokage, knowing that if he couldn't bring Rin back, it didn't matter in the slightest. Somehow, he felt that if he couldn't see her again, time itself simply wouldn't have any meaning anymore.

He didn't know why.

* * *

He hesitated in the doorway of the building, waiting for a moment in the comfort of the shadows. There weren't many people about at this hour, but he still didn't want them to see him.

After a moment, he put his ANBU mask on and stepped outside. It had cooled down slightly, and he welcomed the chill as he made his way through the village to the Hokage's office, ignoring the few people still around (which was just as well; they didn't seem keen on approaching him).

He walked down the hall without looking to the side, and he was dismayed to realize that he reached the end far too soon. He sighed quietly and pulled open the door.

The first sight to greet him was the Uchiha fan on the back of a black jacket. There was a black braid dangling down almost to the fan symbol, and a man to which it was attached, but Kakashi didn't think that was very important at the moment. He turned and started to leave.

A hand snapped out and grabbed him by the wrist, hard. As he was yanked back into the room, he realized that the man in the jacket merely had it draped over his shoulders. Beneath that, he was wearing an ANBU uniform--and he held a hawk mask in one hand.

The other hand, of course, was latched around Kakashi's wrist. He stared blankly at his captor through one eye, the left one squinted closed. "...excuse me," he said slowly.

The Uchiha ignored him, instead turning to face Sandaime where he sat at his desk. "Hokage-sama! What is _this_ doing here?" He shook Kakashi's arm sharply for emphasis.

Sandaime busied himself with lighting his pipe instead of answering. It almost seemed he hadn't heard the question. When he spoke, it wasn't even to answer. "Kakashi," he said. "You're late."

"Sorry," he said. "I fell asleep." The other ANBU hissed in contempt, and Kakashi wondered why he'd bothered telling the truth.

"Hmmm." The Third regarded him inscrutably for a moment. Then he said, "Shinzui, let Kakashi go."

"Hokage-sama," Shinzui said. He released his hold on Kakashi's arm and gave him a stiff little bow. "Hatake-san, my apologies. I must learn to control myself better in the face of that which goes against all that I stand for."

"Thanks," Kakashi said.

"Kakashi is your partner on this mission," Sandaime said.

Shinzui twitched.

Sandaime continued as if oblivious. "I think you've both already been told that this mission concerns a missing medic nin..." He paused. "Shinzui?"

"Respectfully, Hokage-sama...you had assured me my partner for this mission would be another Uchiha."

Sandaime smiled around his pipe. "I said another Sharingan user." Shinzui twitched again, but this time the Hokage gave him no opening for complaint. Instead he went on, "Kakashi, you are assigned to this mission not only because of your skill, but because you know the target."

_Rin,_ he thought.

"Hayashino Rin," Sandaime confirmed. "Your teammate. Reports have it that she was seen fleeing the village with two missing-nin who are known to be experimenting with kinjutsu."

Kakashi willed himself not to tense too much, but he found he was having trouble breathing. He wondered if it was the two masks he wore giving him this trouble, but he certainly wasn't about to take them off in order to check.

"You and Shinzui," the Hokage continued, "are to track her, kill the missing-nin, and bring her back to Konoha." He waited for questions.

Kakashi had no questions, only gratitude. The mission made everything clear.

* * *

He and Shinzui split up to take care of any last-minute business. Kakashi was relieved; he needed to get away from the Uchiha and his cool accusing gaze.

When he stopped at the memorial, it took him a moment to realize where he was. He hadn't intended to come by here. All the same, now that he _was_ here, he crouched down and took off his ANBU mask.

"She left," he said. "I'm sorry, Obito. I think she's in danger, but--" His pulse hummed in his throat. "I'm going to bring her back. I even have a mission to do that."

He lifted his head, glancing around to see if anyone else was around. Of course they weren't. It was past midnight, and the memorial was rarely a busy place even at the best of hours.

Kakashi pulled down his mask--the cloth one that lay beneath the dog-faced ANBU mask--and leaned his head against the memorial, feeling its cool stone on his forehead. "I'll bring her back," he said quietly. Then he straightened, put both masks back in place, and headed for where he was supposed to meet Shinzui.

* * *

"Are you always so late, Hatake-san?" Shinzui asked without turning to face him. He was wearing the hawk mask now.

Kakashi hadn't realized that he was that late. He merely said, "I'm ready to go." They were standing at the end of a path that led out of the village and into the woods. It broke off in a clearing here. The forest surrounded them.

"Yes?" Shinzui asked. "So how are we," he twitched slightly at the word, "going to find Rin-san?"

"Hmm?"

Shinzui tilted his head back to stare at the sky. "Why don't you start with telling me what the last time you saw her was?"

"It was just before she left," Kakashi said quietly, willing his voice to stay steady. "I would have stopped her, but--so she gave me drugged tea."

The Uchiha's short, reserved laughter cut him like tiny needles. "Fine. What were you doing with her before that?"

His tone of voice made Kakashi oddly, indescribably uncomfortable. "She taught me her summon," he said, forcing down the resentment in his voice.

Shinzui paused, one hand lifted. "The hounds?" He turned to face the other ninja, dark eyes intent behind his mask.

In response, Kakashi blinked once, bemused, and then nodded slightly.

Shinzui canted his head slightly to the side. "She gave you her summon, but she didn't tell you that its primary use is in tracking?"

Kakashi stared for a moment, and then he nearly choked.

This at least saved him having to explain to the Uchiha that Rin _had_ told him about the dogs' tracking abilities; he'd simply forgotten. In the absence of this information, Shinzui merely said, "Summon them now."

Kakashi nodded mutely, then slid a kunai into his hand until the edge bit into his thumb. He smeared the blood across the tips of his fingers. "Kuchiyose no jutsu."

Rin's dogs popped up in smoke around him. He stared down at them. They stared up at him. He'd seen her training with them before, but he'd never tried to speak with them himself. He had no choice now. He crouched to address the one at the front. "You..."

"Pakkun," the little dog supplied, with something that might have been wariness in his voice--Kakashi just couldn't tell quite yet.

Of course they had names. All summons did, didn't they? Irrelevantly, he wondered if the hawks still had their names, or if they'd forgotten them by now. "Pakkun," he said. "You must know Rin's scent."

He wasn't sure how to interpret the look Pakkun gave him--baleful, or merely regretful? "You need us to find her," it--he said.

Kakashi nodded, slanting his gaze down to avoid meeting any of the dogs' black eyes. He was sure Pakkun was still giving him that sad stare, so he didn't look up until the scent of the dogs faded from his perceptions. They were gone.

"Now we wait," Shinzui said. "They'll be back once they've found her scent."

Kakashi nodded and tried not to think of what might have happened if he'd summoned the dogs as soon as he realized Rin was gone. Would he be taking her back home right now?

_--holding her if he needed to, her head against the curve of his neck--_

He swallowed sharply against the sudden dryness in his throat, against the abrupt clench of need somewhere in his chest. He thought that maybe she'd put a drug in the tea to disable him for a longer time, to keep him from coming after her for at least a few days. It didn't matter. He'd fight its effects if he had to.

The earth split as Pakkun emerged from it. Kakashi blinked; he hadn't realized that the dogs traveled underground. There was a lot about them that he was going to have to learn.

"Kakashi," the nin-dog said. "We found her trail."

He hadn't given them his name, had he? Kakashi was bemused to realize that Rin must have told them about him. He took a deep breath, pushing away the unsteadiness that threatened to fill him. "Show us the way." 


	3. Flower: Thought

They were almost a day out from Konoha when they lost the trail.

"It makes sense that she'd know ways to deal with her own summon," Shinzui said in that calm, professional tone of his, his every phrase freighted with polite formality but devoid of spirit or emotion.

"There have to be ways to deal with _that_," Kakashi said, rubbing his thumb over his fingers absently. It had become a nervous gesture in the hours they'd been on Rin's trail. The tiny twinge of pain from the shallow cut in his thumb reminded him of his goal.

"Not with no sleep," Shinzui said dryly. "They're as human as we are. More, since they're not ANBU. They're going to need to sleep soon too. We might as well take advantage of the situation and get some rest ourselves."

"If they're resting now," Kakashi snapped back, "this is the perfect time to push onwards."

Shinzui shook his head slightly. For a moment, he didn't seem like he was going to respond. Kakashi started forward, and at that instant, Shinzui said, "Can you turn that off, Hatake-san?"

Kakashi stopped. "What?"

Shinzui wordlessly tapped the left side of his own face.

A beat. "No."

"I didn't think so," the Uchiha said. He smiled slightly, smugly. "It's draining your chakra, isn't it?"

"I can close it if I have to," Kakashi said, doing so to demonstrate.

"I take it that's a yes. I imagine you can't master it, either."

Behind his mask, Kakashi gritted his teeth. "Why, do you also...?"

"Don't be an idiot, Hatake-san. Of course the Sharingan don't drain my chakra. I'm Uchiha." Shinzui glanced out into the distance. "We're going to rest here for four hours. That should be enough for us."

* * *

An hour later, Kakashi still couldn't sleep.

Every time he put his head down, he could almost feel the warmth of her body next to him. When he closed his eyes, he could almost see her smile, and from there it wasn't long until he (almost) couldn't shut out the sound of her laughter.

He sought refuge by a nearby stream, but there were strange flowers growing on its bank, and their smell reminded him of Rin. There was nothing he could do about it, so he simply sat there, his hands spread out in the shallows as he waited for the cold water to numb them.

All the same, when he heard the sound of someone or something approaching, he spun around, kunai coming quickly to his hand, only to see the little nin-dog there. He hesitated a moment, then slowly put the kunai away. "Pakkun," he said carefully. "I wasn't expecting..."

The pug sat down next to the riverbank. "Sorry we can't find her," he said.

Kakashi shook his head, staring blankly into the water. "It makes sense that she'd know ways to deal with her own summon," he said. After a moment of silence, he added, "I don't see why she doesn't just summon you herself."

"She could do that," Pakkun said, "but then when you summoned us back, we'd have a better idea of where exactly she was."

"She could just forbid you to tell me that."

The dog lowered his head. "It doesn't work that way," he said. "She can't give us orders like that. You can't, either. Both of your names are on the contract, but you don't control us. You've got to find the right way to work with us." There was a pause, and then the nin-dog added with only a little reproach in his voice, "She's a lot better at it than you. But I guess she's just more used to us."

Kakashi found himself hunting for the exact type of flower that was scenting the air like this. He thought that maybe he should gather some, if they were the type Rin used so often after all. Instead he just said, "So that's why she still trains."

It wasn't until the uneasy silence afterwards had started to stretch awkwardly that he turned to give the dog a hard look. "What...?"

"She doesn't train because of us," Pakkun said in a low voice. "She trains because she wants to enter ANBU."

That startled Kakashi enough that he found himself rising to his feet in surprise. "She shouldn't want that." He was even more surprised by the vehemence in his tone. "I'm the sort of person ANBU needs. Not her." He wasn't sure how he knew this; such subtle matters of the heart were usually beyond his grasp. That was Rin's territory. "She's got too much heart, too much soul to be like--"

"She wants to be near you," Pakkun said.

Heat rose on Kakashi's face, at first mercifully hidden beneath his mask, then creeping up his temples. He wished he hadn't left his ANBU mask back with Shinzui. "Don't be stupid. Why...?"

Pakkun was staring at him like _he_ was the one being stupid. It was the first expression of the dog's that Kakashi had so far been able to read. "I'm kind of starting to wonder that myself."

"What?"

The dog merely covered his face with a paw. "Never mind. You should get some sleep."

"So Shinzui told me," Kakashi said. "It isn't working."

Pakkun's expression was unreadable once more. "How sure are you that you can trust Shinzui?"

"He's ANBU, like I am," Kakashi said. "He knows what he's doing."

"That's not what I meant. But..." The nin-dog hesitated. "Something bothers me. Not many people anymore know much about our tracking abilities. But he seems to know just what we can do. I'm not sure why..."

"I'm going to go find out," Kakashi said abruptly. He turned to go. Pakkun might have looked doubtful at this, but even if he had looked back, Kakashi wouldn't have been able to tell.

* * *

The clearing where they'd set up camp was the same when Kakashi returned: empty save for Shinzui asleep against a tree. He opened his mouth to speak, then paused. Instead, he opened his left eye and studied the other shinobi's chakra. He wasn't sleeping. "Enjoying pretending to sleep?"

"Very much," Shinzui said without opening his eyes. "Enjoying walking around leaking anxiety?"

"Leaking anx--" Kakashi paused. He wasn't going to let himself be pulled into a discussion of his own problems right now. "No. I need to talk to you."

Shinzui propped himself up, finally opening his eyes. "If you're going to try to convince me that we should be on the move after Rin-san and the missing-nin right now, you'll get nowhere."

"Why do you know so much about Rin?"

The Uchiha paused. "Did you expect me to go on this mission unprepared?"

"How long have you _known_ about this mission?" Kakashi bit back.

There was a long moment of silence. Then Shinzui lowered his gaze slightly. "There's been evidence for a few months now that these missing-nin had contacted Hayashino-san. We didn't know whether she'd taken them up on their offer until recently."

"Their offer," Kakashi repeated.

"Even now, I can't say for sure what that is," Shinzui said. "Something to do with the forbidden jutsu they're developing...which are the reason they left Konoha in the first place."

"What do you know about those jutsu?" Kakashi felt a little calmer, now that the situation could be reduced to simple plans and equations.

Shinzui regarded him with a dark gaze for a while before finally standing up. "They're experimenting with ancient demon-sealing techniques to devise a jutsu that can bind minor evil spirits into the human body for the sake of more power."

"That sounds a little dangerous," Kakashi said, his insides knotting with worry once more. "Why would she--"

"More than a little." Shinzui looked away, frowning. "The best outcome is that it fails and leaves the subject unharmed. The _worst_ is that it succeeds and leaves the subject still more or less alive--" He stopped abruptly, looking back at the other ninja as if he'd said something wrong, or just said too much.

It took Kakashi a moment to get it.

"You're not on this mission to bring her back, are you," he said quietly.

"Like I said, the best outcome--"

"And in the case of the worst outcome," Kakashi continued, crossing his arms, "it's your job to kill her." He circled his left hand around his lower right arm, trying to make it seem like a casual gesture.

Shinzui shrugged. There was no emotion in his dark eyes except for a very vague regret; then he closed them wearily, and even that was gone. "This is our job, Hatake-san."

When he opened his eyes, they were red save for the three marks lazily circling the pupil. His gaze flicked to Kakashi's arms and took in the chakra gathering there. "I advise you not to try that on me."

Kakashi snarled behind his mask, and what little sound that made was drowned out by the sudden rise of false birdsong as he released the chakra around his right hand. He lunged at Shinzui.

The dodge was almost effortless. Shinzui stepped out of the way as though he'd seen the move coming. Kakashi could read his every movement perfectly, but every time he tried to readjust his own aim, his opponent simply stepped out of the way just before the blow struck home.

Then the Uchiha shot his hand out and grabbed Kakashi's arm, twisting just so until he couldn't help but let the chakra dissipate. "That was Chidori, wasn't it, Hatake-san?" he murmured. "Impressive, but not a good idea in this situation."

Kakashi reached for a kunai with his free hand, but before he could even touch the weapon, Shinzui let go of him and lashed out with a kick to the stomach. Kakashi could tell even before the blow connected that it would steal his breath and knock him back without doing him any permanent harm--but he couldn't manage to avoid it.

Giving up on the idea of dodging, he instead grabbed a handful of shuriken while his opponent was occupied with his own attack and flung them--but as the kick connected and Kakashi was knocked back, he could see Shinzui darting smoothly away from the shuriken, only his jacket suffering any cuts at all.

Kakashi barely managed to keep himself from slamming into a tree. Bracing himself against the trunk with one hand, he struggled to regain his breath. Now that he really needed all the jutsu he'd stolen to protect Rin, he couldn't think clearly enough to remember them. He wasn't even sure that attacking his partner on this mission was entirely a wise idea--but he couldn't risk Rin by letting him live.

All he could do now was fight, and he knew that everything depended on it. But he also knew he was losing.

Shinzui lunged at him, and for a moment Kakashi thought the fight might be over. But he had to fight back, all the same. He managed to gather his breath at the last moment and dart to the side. He turned around and rushed at the other ninja from the side, but Shinzui was already turning to face him and dodging as he did so--

--and then Kakashi could see the way the dodge would take him, see the phantom images of his opponent's trajectory laid out like faded film. He could attack not where his target was, but where he would be.

And then Shinzui wasn't dodging anymore; he was standing there, staring back at him, eyes gone wide in disbelief. "But--" He didn't get the time to say anything more. Kakashi grabbed his arm, wrenched it behind his back, twisted, and shoved him down to the ground, holding him there with one hand and pressing a kunai to his throat with the other.

"Hatake-san," Shinzui whispered. "As much as it pains me to say it...I was wrong about you."

Kakashi hesitated. "What do you mean?"

"The Sharingan isn't as useless to you as I thought it must be," Shinzui murmured. "Very much a surprise. I--" He stopped, and after a moment, Kakashi saw why.

From the torn folds of his coat, a picture fluttered to the ground. Kakashi almost dismissed it--but something about it snared his attention. The man in the picture, standing next to a younger Shinzui, had a familiar smile. He opened his mouth to whisper, Sensei, but before the word could escape, he realized his mistake. There was merely a passing similarity at most.

That moment gave Shinzui all the time he needed. He twisted abruptly out of Kakashi's grasp, and then he had his attacker pinned down instead of the other way around.

"Did you think that you could just kill me and go on to rescue Rin-san?" Shinzui's voice was an airy hiss next to Kakashi's ear. "You really are an idiot. You should know that your only chance of saving your girl lies in working with me."

He twisted his grip, pulling Kakashi back to his feet, then turning him so that they faced each other. "I can understand if you've forgotten, but there's something you must know now. You are _not_ the only person who's lost someone precious, Kakashi-san, and if you keep acting like this, you'll lose many more."

Kakashi felt numbed into muteness, but he managed to rediscover his tongue in time to murmur, "There aren't any more."

For just a moment, Shinzui hesitated. Then he smiled very slightly. "Then we'd better do our best to rescue Rin-san."

"We have to get back on her trail _right now_--" Kakashi began.

But Shinzui sighed and shook his head. Then he freed up one of his hands and placed it over the other man's left eye. The sudden feeling of vulnerability that washed over Kakashi as his Sharingan vision cut out was almost visceral; he felt sick. But there was nothing he could do to stop the Uchiha from fixing his gaze on him, and suddenly he couldn't do anything to resist.

Then he was sliding into unconsciousness, gut-wrenching fear chasing him all the way down. After a few seconds, he couldn't even hold onto the memory of Rin's face for comfort. 


	4. Birdsong: Revelation

When Kakashi awoke, real birds were singing.

It wasn't much of a song, and he was still too hazy with sleep to make out just what kind of birds they were. For a moment, he lay there in half-conscious peace, and he wondered how many birds had to die before the ones left stopped singing. He decided that they'd probably keep singing right to the end. Maybe they wouldn't even notice their losses.

He could feel sunlight teasing at his eyelids, but he refused to open even one.

A hand latched onto the back of his ANBU outfit and hauled him to his feet. "Hatake-san, you're awake," Shinzui said, his tone as delicately polite as ever.

Kakashi grunted and tried to shove him away. His head hurt--no, that wasn't it. There was a phantom pain lancing behind his left eye. He had a passing thought that perhaps Obito was annoyed with how stupid he'd been lately.

"You don't seem to be so enthusiastic about rescuing Rin-san today," Shinzui observed.

The words hit Kakashi like ice. He snapped his eyes open and staggered as he saw the world not quite in sync. Shinzui caught him, but he pulled free of his grasp and closed his left eye so he could steady himself. "Let's go."

"Not going to stop to have some rations?"

"We can eat while we're moving," Kakashi said sharply.

Shinzui said nothing as he scuffed out the signs of their presence and put his mask back on.

* * *

When Kakashi asked the question, Shinzui actually stumbled slightly and nearly fell from the branches. He turned it into a graceful descent at the last moment and landed soundlessly on the ground.

Kakashi dropped down behind him. "Who was that in the picture?" he repeated.

Shinzui was very still for a moment. "I don't think you need to know that, Hatake-san. It's a matter of the past, and we don't have time for that now."

"We're not that close to our targets yet," Kakashi said. "We don't need to be silent while we move." He did not take his gaze away from the other man.

After a long moment, Shinzui leapt back off the ground, blurring through the air until he caught hold of a branch. Kakashi did not hesitate in following him. It was not until several minutes after they had started moving again that Shinzui said, so quietly it was nearly lost in the rush of their passage, "The man in the picture was someone very precious to me, Hatake-san."

"Who--" Kakashi started to say, but Shinzui signaled sharply from ahead of him to cut him off.

"No," he said. "There's someone ahead of us. I believe it's one of our targets."

Kakashi could not help but wonder if Shinzui had waited until he knew they were approaching their quarry before saying anything, but it was pointless to contemplate for long.

Shinzui leapt back down to the ground, landing in motionless silence. His stillness made him nearly invisible. Nobody else seemed to occupy the clearing around him, but Kakashi could hear, very faintly, the rustles of someone circling slowly through the surrounding forest.

Kakashi remained balanced in the branches at the edge of the clearing. It was better up here than on the ground in so many ways.

He wouldn't have seen the grey shape detach from a tree trunk and run out at Shinzui if he'd been looking with the eyes of two days ago. As it was, he almost missed it. Shinzui also barely caught the approach in time. He tensed, preparing to dodge and counterattack.

But the attack, when it came, was not aimed at him. A keen-edged sickle on a chain whipped out in Kakashi's direction instead. No, that wasn't it--it wasn't aimed at him, either, although the difference was very subtle. It was heading for the base of the branches that held him up.

Kakashi waited until the last second, then rolled aside onto another cluster of branches, leaving a shadow clone where he'd been before. The branches and the clone tumbled down, and in an instant, the enemy lunged once more, a long knife appearing in his free hand.

At that point, the real Kakashi swung down out of the treetops and landed on the missing-nin's back. He slammed his fist into the other man's throat--not hard enough to kill, but enough to leave him weakened and breathless.

The enemy collapsed with a low grunt. Kakashi crouched over him, staring down at the grey-clad man, trying to find something that would differentiate him from any other human being. He couldn't find it. After a moment, he reached for his sword.

Shinzui's hand clasped down on his arm, and hard. He addressed the missing-nin, his tone cold and polite. "You need to tell us where the Leaf kunoichi you abducted is."

"She was the one who wanted to come," the grey ninja muttered.

Shinzui let out a small, carefully controlled sigh. "Very well." He let go of Kakashi's arm and walked around to kneel by their captive's head. He lifted it so that the man could not avoid his gaze--his Sharingan were activated now--and said again, "Where is the Leaf kunoichi called Hayashino Rin?"

"...two miles to the west, near the surface of an offshoot of the Shinkuu cave system."

Shinzui's serene lack of expression did not change. "How is she guarded?"

"My partner is there."

"And his defenses?"

"He was from Sand. He uses air jutsu and senbon."

Shinzui nodded slightly. "Thank you." He stood up. "Hatake-san..."

Kakashi stood up, one foot still on the grey ninja's back, and made as if to draw his sword. With it half out of the sheath, he paused. "What have you done to her?" he asked in a low voice.

He could see the very edge of the missing-nin's grin. "Too late. When I came out here to delay you two, my partner was already starting the jutsu."

"What jutsu?"

"It's really a lot like the summoning contract she had you sign recently!" There was a manic edge to the grey ninja's voice. "Less consensual, though, and with a rougher crowd than her puppies. We've been working on it for--"

He was babbling now. Kakashi drew his sword out the rest of the way and drove it into their captive's back, through his heart and into the ground. He leaned on it and felt the blade sink deeper into the earth as it grew muddy with blood.

"Hatake-san," Shinzui said, "that's enough."

Kakashi yanked the blade out of the dying man. He did not bother to sheathe it before leaping up into the treetops and launching himself in the right direction.

* * *

The blood and earth were drying on his sword by the time he reached the edge of the forest and the start of the caves. He hit the ground, and as he straightened up again, Shinzui observed, "You should have cleaned that. A ninja must care for his weapons."

"Ninja _are_ weapons," Kakashi said. He started for the cave mouth, only to stop as he saw light flicker inside it.

Rather anticlimactically, Rin walked out into the light.

She seemed unchanged, if a little pale. Kakashi ached with combined relief and worry. Then he opened his left eye, and he felt sick.

She looked _wrong_. There were inhuman things uncoiling from her center, devouring her own chakra as they stretched themselves out. He wanted to shout to her, warn her of the danger she was in, but what would he say? It wasn't the kind of danger they'd been trained to watch for. Sensei had never said anything about monsters that would tear up their soul.

Before he could say anything, though, she looked up. Her whole face brightened at the sight of him, making him oddly happy. At the same time, though, there was something off about her expression. He couldn't pinpoint it, but--

No. She looked scared.

She broke into a run in his direction, but then she stopped abruptly, jerking upright. Kakashi ran ahead to meet her halfway.

Or he tried to, anyway. Before he got more than a few steps, a concentrated blast of air slammed into his chest. He staggered back.

While Kakashi struggled to keep his balance, another man in grey materialized as if blown in on the wind. He smiled. "You must be Kakashi, and...whoever the other ANBU is. I don't know why my partner didn't take care of you, but--"

Kakashi lunged, his dirtied sword whipping around low to the ground to cut into his opponent's legs. Shinzui darted around from the other side.

Between them, the missing-nin exploded in a brutal blast of air. Kakashi saw it coming a moment beforehand, and he and Shinzui pulled back, but not in time. The blast knocked them onto their backs.

Shinzui was up an instant later, but before Kakashi could move, the grey shinobi standing over him, one foot over his solar plexus. "If you were going to come all this way," he said, "you could at least have been on time when you got here. But no, you're late."

Kakashi lifted his sword, but there was some kind of vortex spinning around the missing-nin, deflecting his blade. "You got what you wanted with her, then," he said. "Now let her go."

The grey ninja just smiled slightly and lifted a brow. "Rin," he called, "your boyfriend wants you back."

"I'm her teammate," Kakashi snarled. Now that he focused, the Sharingan could make out the subtle currents flowing around his opponent. "Not her boyfriend." He should be able to slip a blow in--

The missing-nin stepped down just so. Ribs cracked sharply. Kakashi tasted blood and realized he'd bitten his lip. It took a moment for him to realize that there was no longer a foot on his chest.

Instead, there was a rain of needles falling toward his throat. He was too dazed to move out of the way in time, but he could see them coming with perfect clarity.

Then they weren't there anymore. Rin's hand swept them out of the way, and then she stood facing the grey ninja, fury on her face. "You promised me you wouldn't hurt him."

"You don't need him anymore." The man sounded rather bored.

Rin stared for a moment longer. Then she said, "I did all this for him!" She reached out, and the alien chakra raced along her hand and bloomed outwards from her palm. Before he could do more than widen his eyes, the missing-nin was flung back by the force of it.

Right onto Shinzui's blade. "Thank you, Rin-san," the Uchiha said. He drew his sword out of his victim, took out a cloth, and began fastidiously cleaning the blood from it.

Kakashi couldn't stop staring at the swell of dark chakra inside of Rin's body. He pushed himself into a sitting position and reached for her. "Rin--"

What was he supposed to say?

_I'm sorry I was late,_ maybe? But that couldn't possibly be enough.

_Are you all right_ would just be absurd.

She turned to him with a small, broken smile, and he thought of what he had to say. The realization hurt worse than the broken ribs.

_I love you._

But he couldn't say that. 


	5. Hawk: End

She took his silence without complaint. Her hands settled on his shoulders, and when she pulled him to his feet, he might as well have weighed nothing at all. The dark chakra twisted in unsettling ways inside her.

Kakashi forced himself to close his left eye and shut out the sight of Rin being eaten from the inside out. When he looked back at her with only his own vision, she was staring at him, the sadness in her gaze masking fear.

Then he realized why: she knew he'd seen what was happening to her. It occurred to him that just a day ago, he wouldn't have understood this. He had never understood the currents of emotion behind Rin's eyes until now.

He was missing something important, though. Even after everything he'd finally realized, Kakashi was sure he was missing something important. He just couldn't think of it now. That wasn't surprising, because he couldn't think of anything but Rin's face--

--and the terrible shape of the chakra inside her. He _wished_ he could stop thinking about that.

Her hands slid beneath his vest and poked at the thin fabric of his shirt. He flinched back. "It shouldn't hurt," she murmured, glancing up at him, but he could tell that she knew he wasn't recoiling in pain.

In fact, it took him a moment to realize that the pain of his broken ribs was gone. She'd healed it with just a touch--nothing new for her, but he hadn't even needed to take off his shirt.

"Rin--" He found himself choking on his words. There were too many things he wanted to tell her, and all of them were being drowned by rising fear.

She laid one hand briefly over his mouth and smiled at him. "It's okay." Then she blinked, and he realized she was blinking back tears, and he knew it wasn't okay. "Where's the other ANBU?" she asked.

He stared at her.

"The one you came here with," she said. "The Uchiha."

For one more heartbeat, he still didn't understand. Then he did. He also knew what he'd been missing.

"We need to get out of here," Kakashi said. "Now." He grabbed Rin's hand and pulled her back towards the forest.

"Kakashi!" But she followed him.

"I'll explain everything when we're somewhere safe," he said. "For now we need to get away from Shinzui. The ANBU."

"Where's your mask?" she asked suddenly as she followed him into the trees.

He gave her a puzzled stare and reached up to check to be sure that his mask was still there.

"Your ANBU mask," she clarified.

It struck him then that he must have left it back where he'd killed the first of the missing-nin. He felt a little naked without it, but it wasn't very important now. "It doesn't matter," he said.

And they ran, or at least fled through the leaves at inhuman speeds. Kakashi found himself struggling to keep up with Rin. He couldn't afford to keep the Sharingan closed any longer, and so he had to open it and see the dark chakra inside her. He could have just looked away from her--but he found himself afraid to do that.

He couldn't quite pinpoint the moment when he couldn't hold it in any longer. "Why?" he blurted out.

"Why what?" She sounded terribly nervous. He could see dark, wiry threads uncoiling inside her.

"What did you _do_ to yourself?"

She stumbled on the branches. For a moment he thought she was falling, but no, she was merely leaping to the ground in a clearing. He followed her down. "I'm not really sure," she admitted.

He spread his hands in mute bewilderment. She stared at him, equal parts fear and longing in her eyes. "I did it for you," she said.

He shook his head.

"I couldn't keep watching you like that," she said. "I didn't know how to save you."

"Save me?" He felt as if she were speaking a foreign language. "From what?"

"I'm not sure," she said sadly. "Yourself. Your ghosts. It sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it?"

"Nothing you say sounds stupid," he said. Then he realized that _that_ sounded really stupid.

She gave him a fragile smile. "I thought maybe if I was powerful enough, I wouldn't have to watch you destroy yourself."

He couldn't help but look at that terrible chakra, no matter how he tried to stop. "I won't do anything like that. Come on, let's go home."

She paused, gave him a hard look. She looked almost like she might laugh. "You don't really think we can go back to Konoha, do you? The other ANBU was sent to kill me, wasn't he?"

Kakashi could only nod.

"What makes you think the ones back in Konoha haven't been warned to do the same?"

He couldn't think of a good answer to that. So he said instead, "We'll just keep moving. I don't care as long as I'm with you."

Then she did laugh. There were tears in the sound. "You mean it, too. I love you, you know."

He nodded mutely. He didn't know what to feel, so he settled for anger directed at himself. He was almost crying. He should know better than that.

"I shouldn't have done this," she said. "I know that now. I just--I really loved you. I still do." She paused, then added, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize," he began, but she was looking at something over his shoulder, and she swiftly cut him off by putting her arms around him and clasping her hands together behind his back.

Something moved in the treetops, slipping over from behind him. Whatever it was made a familiar sound, and he thought he could see blue light, but he couldn't think about that, because Rin was in his arms.

She reached up, pulled down his mask, and kissed him hard. He closed his eyes and thought only of her.

Birds shrieked around them. She jerked in his arms, and he tasted blood.

Kakashi held her for a moment longer before letting her collapse. He opened his eyes and saw the last of the dark chakra vanishing along with her own. Then he looked up, to where Shinzui stood, wearing his hawk-faced mask. Blood coated his right hand.

"Are you going to kill me too?" Kakashi asked. He wasn't sure how he could be this calm. He wondered if he'd cry, but there didn't seem to be any tears coming.

"Why would I do that?"

"I was trying to help her escape."

"I don't believe you were, Kakashi-san," Shinzui said. "I think you and I found her just before the missing-nin performed their kinjutsu, and together the three of us fought the two of them...alas, Rin-san did not survive the battle."

Kakashi was silent for a while. Then he said, "And if it's true she fought on our side at the end, her name will go on the memorial, won't it?"

Beneath the hawk mask, Shinzui nodded.

"They'll check the body," Kakashi said. "I'm sure there's a medic nin who'll be able to figure out that we weren't in time to stop the kinjutsu after all. And..." He gestured at the hole burned through her chest where her heart used to be. "They can recognize the effects of Chidori by now."

"It's a pity, then," Shinzui said, walking over to the body (her body) and drawing his sword, "that we were only able to bring back her head intact."

Kakashi forced himself not to look away or flinch back as the blade sliced through her neck. But then Shinzui picked up her head, walked several feet away, and said, "Kakashi-san, please move. Now."

Kakashi took several steps back. This time, he did not look at what was left of Rin's body. He watched Shinzui's hands as they formed seals; he let himself become absorbed in the dissection of the jutsu. _Katon_. One of the simpler, more localized forms of it.

When Shinzui was finished and most of Rin was in ashes, Kakashi knew he'd be able to perform the jutsu himself in the future. It seemed unfair that he could learn it so easily; he wondered if he'd traded something of himself for the privilege.

He hoped he had.

* * *

The Hokage told him that she had left everything she owned to him. He was tempted to hate her for that, but he couldn't do it.

Instead he went to her house and walked once through its empty halls. Then he locked the doors and put away the key.

He came back to the Hayashino property every so often, although he never went back inside the house. On one visit, about a month after Rin's death, he found Pakkun and the rest of the nin-dogs waiting for him.

"I didn't summon you," he told them.

"You haven't summoned us in a while," Pakkun said quietly.

"I haven't needed you," he said. He sat down on the ground. Pakkun stared at him skeptically. Finally, he said, "I'll call you when I need to."

Pakkun sighed, and Kakashi could see doubt in his canine face, and grief.

* * *

Five months after Rin's death, Kakashi received word that Uchiha Shinzui was dead.

He'd been killed on a mission; his name would go on the memorial. Kakashi was not invited to the funeral, which was a relief. He still did not get along with the Uchiha.

He hadn't expected to ever hear from Shinzui again, actually. He wasn't surprised that the older man had gone off and died without telling him. He _was_ surprised that the photograph he'd seen those five months ago had been left for him.

Kakashi regarded the picture of Shinzui and his smiling friend for a little while, and then he hid it away not far from the key to Rin's house.

* * *

Sometimes the dogs were there when he went to the Hayashino grounds. More often they were not.

The birds were always there, circling high above the ground.

Kakashi watched them fly, and he wondered what he would do if he had wings. Maybe he would join them. 


End file.
